How to Stop People-Pleasing : and Still Be Nice

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People-pleasing might not sound all that bad. But people-pleasing generally goes beyond simple kindness. You might go out of your way to do things for the people in your life, based on what you assume they want or need. You give up your time and energy to get them to like you. Myers says this is how people-pleasing can cause trouble. People pleasers often deal with low self-esteem and draw their self-worth from the approval of others. People pleasers often spend a lot of time worrying about rejection. You might also have a strong desire to be needed, believing that you have a better chance of receiving affection from people who need you. But a pattern of this can cause problems, since it tells people their needs come before yours.

Defective to be approved of —and loved—is as natural as wanting food after that shelter. In fact, more than a problem, a disease. Harriet B. You dread disapproval.

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