Whether it is you or your partner who has lost interest in physical intimacy, this is a very distressing place to be. Loss of, or lowered desire, in one partner is the main reason couples seek out sex therapy, and a major contributor to break up and divorce. Your sex drive is a highly personal and sometimes transitory thing, it can ebb and flow in your life and can be found or lost so easily according to many complicated factors. The fact that our intimate lives are so unique to us and so very unpredictable can also make them very hard to talk about. Sex can be powerful enough to make you love someone, bring you together, and help you to repair a relationship. So it is not surprising that when sex or desire falters for one or both of you it can feel very destructive and damaging. Depending on which side of the desire gap you are on you will feel: either hurt, rejected, under-confident and fearful that you are undesirable, or; anxious, guilty and pressured to want more sex for fear of losing your loved one. But the amount of desire you or your partner feels at any given time is unlikely to be anything to do with your looks or to the strength of your relationship. You can have low desire and still be madly in love and wildly attracted to your partner.
But, our fear of intimacy is a lot triggered by positive emotions even add than negative ones. In fact, body chosen by someone we truly anxiety for and experiencing their loving feelings can often arouse deep-seated fears of intimacy and make it difficult en route for maintain a close relationship. The badly behave is that the positive way a lover sees us often conflicts along with the negative ways we view ourselves. Sadly, we hold on to our negative self-attitudes and are resistant en route for being seen differently. Because it is difficult for us to allow the reality of being loved to assume our basic image of ourselves, we often build up a resistance en route for love.