But because we are parents, gone are the days of delicate candle mood lighting, playing of the perfect music, minute foreplay and multiple positions all in one night. Just forget about your day-old crotch and instead, convince yourself that you smell like cucumber-melon, straight from the shower. Minute 1: Turn on an episode of something I recommend Peppa Pig—easy to love, but easy to turn off without a tantrum later, too. Turn the volume up, throw gummies at your kids, and lead your man to the bedroom. Not by the hand.
My god you lot have got dirty minds, did you really think I was going to tell you a dirty story? You did, did't you. OK if you insist, but it will only be a quickie, not a lot of time for character today, way too busy being a naughty girl, bad girls have accordingly much more fun, don't you agree? I've really enjoyed showing you bad today. Love you Daddy. Today is a bit special, it is my 19th birthday, London has been a special treat, Mummy had to act today unexpectedly, so couldn't come.
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